The Apple (...Of My First Year High School Life)

As days go by, I was learning to adapt to the new environment where I am in. Everyday was like having a brand new purpose even without the stuffs I was used to in my past school. I was looking forward to our P.E. class every afternoon. I really loved to see the girls who can do what boys do. So I was trying hard with all my might to perform better especially in P.E. where we can play tough just like the boys. It felt very empowering to me. That's why I admired "her" very much. She was even better than the boys. She was like a role model or an icon to remind me that I can do everything if I wanted to. Gender is not an obstacle in doing what you want in life. I loved watching every time she bested the guys in volleyball and most especially in basketball. It was so funny that she was even the referee of the boys who were playing basketball. Because of her, I spent most of my P.E. bench time, especially at basketball time =( , daydreaming that I wish I was doing what she was doing right now. She was so proactive and always on the move while I was moving slowly like a turtle, or better yet, a snail. I was imagining myself as lively as hers and outshining in the field of active sports.

However, I remembered how pissed off she was one time when our group played volleyball against their group. We were so nervous to face the strongest group in P.E. (because she was the leader of that particular group) and we are getting so jittery. You can obviously see it from our faces and the way we hit the ball back to their court. Me, as the supporting type of personality (trust me I am more of a team member than a team leader although I could also lead a group in a laissez faire manner though.), I came up of a word to lighten up the group. One of our groupmate tried to hit the ball and went outside of our court instead of batting it back to the opponent's court. I saw how disappointed she was and I told her "OK lang yan, suwerte yan...suwerte" (It's OK, that's good luck...good luck..). Everytime we hit a ball we mention "Suwerte!" even if it a good shot or a bad shot it is still considered "Suwerte" to us. Suddenly we didn't notice that we are starting to win and we were just enjoying ourselves there all along. I even had my first good service that time-- not a net ball, not an inadequate shot! It was just right! I felt so happy that time coz' finally, I've made it to the other line. After almost 2 years of playing volleyball (Grade 5 and Grade 6 extra in my friend's practice games), I was able to make a nice service and not just stopping the ball (where i am good at). Meanwhile, the other group, particularly their team captain was making faces and obviously pissed off, starting to get angry with her groupmates' lack of effort. I can't blame her if we had the good vibes. It's just that I knew right then and there, she wasn't perfect after all. She was short-tempered. I understand it anyway. She's just human. Her strengths has an equivalent weaknesses too. If she is an achiever type, expect it, she hates losing. ^_^ Don't worry, even if she was pissed off that time, she still looks pretty in my eyes. LOL. Yeah I just admired her that's it. The sporty petite and skinny girl who is so proactive and fun and smart too! She was always being herself and I salute her for that. Too bad that my admiration should end when she had a rumored girlfriend or M.U. Nobody confirmed but the class considered it as a mutual understanding between the two and I was happy for them. I was okay staring at her from afar and looking at her twinkling eyes paired with long and thick eyelashes, plus, I really liked her dimples. Gosh, I love people who have dimples and long thick eyelashes. It doesn't matter if you are a girl or a boy as long as you have those qualities I'll admire you for that. LOL. The whole school year, I think I never talked to her. There was just one instance that she talked to me, I don't remember why but I am sure what she said was a good comment. I was flattered that time and blushed...and that's it. =) (oh, so lame...hahaha)


**To Be Continued...

Pros and Cons (My 1st Year High School Life)

Being in a private school made me miss all the fun of being in a public school. Added to that, the strict rules on being a latecomer and excuses in special quizzes and exams, the fun of having Athletic Meet and Girls' Scout Camping every year,quiz bees outside the school, and many more extra curricular activities done outside the school, it made me long more for the good old days in my old Alma Mater. Sometimes I was spending free time thinking of what could have happened if I didn't enroll in that private school. Maybe I could have had more quality time "enjoying" my first year of high school life.

Anyway, if I had things that I didn't like in that school, there are also some things that I loved about it. I loved my Science and Algebra class. It gave me the right foundation of learning later on in my high school and college life. I loved how I wasn't treated as a foreigner in this school where they treated you like someone special for most of us came from different schools in Nueva Vizcaya (within the vicinity of Santa Fe and Aritao). Unlike before when I transferred from Baguio City to Santa Fe (see Something Different for the story), they labeled me as an American, and they always monitor each move that I do. This time, it was different. Almost all of the Valedictorians, Salutatorians, Honor Students were in that particular class where you would feel that everybody is in tight competition with each other. Competition, rumors, gossips, and worst: detraction. They would like to know your past and other issues to distract you from being competitive. And me? I DIDN'T CARE. I had an attitude before not to care on such things. I care about what could make me feel happy (like the extra curricular activities outside the school) and sleep. I just kept quiet. The more quiet you are, the more they cannot find anything about you. I would like to remain as a stranger if that's the cost of having a peaceful life.

To top all that, I loved my P.E. subject where we could play Volleyball and Basketball--in competition with the person who appeared to be the apple of my eye that time. She was the captain ball of the other group because she was the best player so far, both in volleyball and basketball. she was just so amazing that in her petite height and skinny body built, she could hit the ball so hard that it reaches outside the court in volleyball, or she can throw the ball from the 3-point line in the basketball court straight to the ring. She could lay-up the ball, which is her favorite thing to do in basketball, or drive in a hook shot which left my jaw dropping with awe. She never fail to amuse me everytime she is holding a ball for she can do lots of tricks out of it. I admire the most the way she let the ball turn on her different fingertips like a planet in the solar system then suddenly she would let it slide onto her left hand, going to her arms, passing through her back then gliding to her right arm and right hand. She was so talented I thought that I worshipped her at the back of my mind and wished I could do the same. I also admire the way she dribbles the ball back and forth in between her legs while she shifts her steps. She was really like the professional basketball players. I was so proud of her, she could do what men could do! She was an athlete in the school where she came from (which is also a public school). I remember, her name was so famous in every Provincial Athletic meets as the champion for track and field category. I've heard a lot about her from my friend who was the volleyball team captain in elementary. She would always mention her name which is unique (clue: the alphabet >.< ) as the best and most popular athlete in the province. This time, I finally get to meet her in person and take note, she's my classmate whom I see everyday of my first year high school life! =)




**To be continued... ^_^

The Beginning of My Teenage Life

Yes, High School at last!!! One step closer to college graduation and after that I am able and very qualified to work! ^_^

FIRST YEAR HIGH SCHOOL
I enrolled in a private school at the next village, a 30-minute ride away from our town. I needed to wake up early in the morning to prepare for school and catch up the early ride wherein we contacted a jeepney for fetching me and my older brother daily since school bus is not common in our place. The jeep usually picks us up at 6:30 AM and that is a holy hour for me for Christ's sake! I love to sleep and for me sleeping is a luxury. It can't be bought by money I tell you... =) So everyday of my new life was like a sacrifice. Sometimes I wake up at exactly 6:00 AM go straight to bathroom, take a bath and brush my teeth and go to school. My mom was always angry because I am not having my breakfast. She was so concerned of me eventually having gastric ulcer because of my empty stomach. Every morning my mom would wake me up but the more she was waking me up, the more I felt sleepy and would like to snooze more. Meanwhile in the jeepney, I continue my sleep. Thirty minutes is still 30 minutes! Time is so precious as well as sleep is also precious, I should spend it sleeping a little bit more.

Me being on time for the jeepney didn't last long. After a week or two, I started to go out of our house later than 6:30AM and of course, the jeep is gonna leave me there because I am not the only kid he's taking to school. He has his sons and daughters plus his nieces and nephews. It was pretty crowded and a riot every morning in that jeepney and I would always prefer to stay at the very back of the jeep so I could sleep and ignore their noises and their agenda for the day whatever it is, it is always turbulent. I have learned that if I leave the house at 7:00 AM I could still catch up my class but then at time goes by, I realized that it depends on the traffic and how many times the other jeepney would stop everytime the jeepney driver notices a passenger on the road or whenever there is a passenger who wants to go down. That made me so freakin' late one day. I arrived the school at exactly 7:35 AM and the flag ceremony has already started. After the morning school ritual of singing the national anthem, pledge of loyalty and some announcements, I was running for my life to get into my class' line going inside the classroom when suddenly this particular later than me classmate of mine arrived and told me not to run, stay easy and walk with her. At the back of my mind is "WTF??? #@$%*!!!" I think I've said a lot of negative thoughts within that split second and yet I still followed her and did not complained anything. I was such a wimp that I cannot say NO to anybody even if it is against my will. Except for my family of course where I would always complain on everything. Suddenly while walking, the third year's class adviser was there checking all the latecomers who are gonna pass and I saw everybody sneaking out of the line and one of them was my classmate. I was so ignorant that time that I didn't know what it means whenever this teacher is there on the pathway. He suddenly came to me. He knows I am clueless on what's gonna happen and I am a fresh victim of his wrath. "Late ka ano? Alam mo ba ang parusa ng mga late?" (You are late, right? Do you know the punishment of latecomers?) I was speechless, I replied with a shrug in the shoulders. I know it is gonna be tough and I have an idea what the punishment was although I am not sure if my thoughts were correct. We have a long quiz that day in Science, which is my favorite subject and I was feeling a sense of impending doom. This teacher caught around seven latecomers because when he came after the other late kids others who were with me ran away. I think it was only me who honestly stayed and waited for my punishment.

(NOTICE: IF YOU ARE EASILY NAUSEATED WITH GROSS/GRUESOME THINGS I ADVISE YOU TO STOP READING FROM HERE... >.<)


He introduced us to the corresponding "chastisement" for us to get forgiven with our "sin" since most of us caught were our first offense made. Second offense might mean a letter to the parent and third would be suspension. He gave us cleaning materials so we could clean the school grounds and to top it up, there were three of us who were assigned to clean the never-before-cleaned bathrooms in the school since the school year started. The very first sight and smell of the bathroom made my tummy tumble down and when we see the toilets itself, that was the time the two of my mates ran away and looked for a spot where they could throw up. I was there staring at the maggots and old poops maybe from last school year. Old tissue papers and some bloody sanitary pads from who the hell are they. I can't understand how can they afford to use this bathroom and do such gross things. The civilization doesn't reached them even if they are studying in a private school??? I just thought, yeah, the need to poop and pee is primal and you have no choice if you really need to do it. So even if I feel nauseous, I tried to fetch a lot of water through small gallons and tried to clean it with detergent soap and bleach. I started cleaning it alone, scrubbed it with a raffia broom until the  sickening sight of nasty stuffs out there be flushed away with water and detergent. My two cleaning mates, who were recovering from their nausea started helping by fetching the water and I was the one who did the direct job. The bleach and detergent did an amazing job because in the end, after the creepy rubbish were thrown away in their right place and the toilet bowls were absent of any evidence of rotten poop and blood, it became an acceptable place and deserved to be called as comfort room. I just thanked God that when I am stressed out I would usually go to our bathroom and clean it. Although this one is a different thing because it was the most disgusting bathroom I have ever seen. In addition to that, I admit I was really stressed out missing the long quiz that I have always waited for in Science. I love exams and long quizzes because it measures how far did I know about the subject. I just wished that the true to life learning experiences could also be measured by exams because for sure I would make my way to get a high grade in it if I was not the best. But it doesn't work that way. I really felt that I am weaker in the real world of action, because sometimes I lack actions. I'd rather write than to speak. I'd rather think than to act.

It's like I'd rather plan and design something and it is up to somebody else to do the job of creating it. Eventhough sometimes, if it artwork we are talking about, expect me to be doing it with all my heart as long as I am doing it alone. Not a group activity.  I hate it when somebody else bosses around as if he knew what is really the goal of the groupwork and then in the end everybody would realize that my idea was better. Furthermore, I hate it when there is an authority figure around who in true to life doesn't really have a right to control someone else's life (just like my classmate who pulled me to accompany her for the purpose of when worse things can get to worst she has someone to suffer with her, but in this case, I was the only one to suffer and she was there inside the classroom taking the exams!!!). That time, I've learned a very valuable lesson: I'd be better off alone than to get myself into trouble because I tried to gratify someone else's irrational request against my will. I should learn when to say no to a favor, which I am really struggling with (until now... sometimes I am really pissed off with my self for being too kind which is resulting to stupidity in someone else's view). If only I could flush my shyness to say NO just like what I did to the stinky creations of the primitive men of the school. Well at least at this moment, I contributed a huge favor to the school. The comfort room is now fully operational just like any decent school would have.

(HEY, YOU CAN READ BEYOND THIS POINT... IT IS SAFE NOW!!! =)  )

When I came to the classroom, they finished the exams already and my teacher told me that she is not going to give any special exams for me. My reason of absence from the exams is not valid for her to treat me as a special student, who needs a special exam. Why should I, I am not special. There's nothing special about me there in that school. I am just one of the low profile students there. They still did not know what I am capable of since the periodical exams is not yet done. The school year has just started and nobody knows who I really am. On the other hand, I loved the idea of me being a stranger, nobody knows my strengths, although they can see in my face what my weakness is-- I look kind and harmless. They could just do anything without expecting me to fight or do harmful revenge over them. Yeah, they're right. I leave everything to Karma. Let Karma do the work for me. I am too lazy to have revenge. I'd rather sleep than to do that. Hahaha. So what happened to the girl who brought me into this trouble? Nothing... I just don't know how Karma worked on her but I believe it worked. ^_^


*To be continued....
Please leave a comment on the topic that you think could have changed if I just did something brave...hahaha so lame...anyway it would be nice to discuss on something someday. =) THANK YOU!!!  XOX

My Elementary Graduation

This is the most awaited moment of my elementary life. My graduation from Grade 6. I think it was also one of my dad's reason why he came home and waited for a while before he apply back to Saudi. He wanted to see his favorite daughter to go up the stage, get her diploma and awards. He was so proud of me especially because he knew I was on the honors list.

Being one of the top students, I can say was not really a thing that made me proud. Because I was comparing the quality of education in a private school where I started in the city where I was born to the public school where I transferred. Pretty much, I knew already the lessons that they were teaching and I felt like, in a way, unfair for the other kids whose striving to be on the top of the class. For me, I wanted to learn something more but it was the only thing our school has to offer. As long as I am in school maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Although at the back of my mind, I am not globally competitive. I could have learned advance Science and Technology (which is my favorite subject) and could have conversed more grammatically correct English if they had reinforced very well the use of it. English was my second favorite subject but then they were freakin' using our national language in our English class which pissed me off and lost my interest in the subject.

Graduation day, as much as I was expecting to be the Valedictorian, on second thought maybe I am not. My "twin" bestfriend has always been my competition in rankings as what the teachers made it to be. Yet I am glad our relationship as best of friends wasn't affected by our academic rivalry. We leave everything into fate when it comes to that matter. No hurt feelings whatever will be the outcome because we know each other's capabilities. Three days before the Graduation, our teacher announced the honor rolls  which is my bestfriend as the Valedictorian, and me as the Salutatorian. I congratulated her and I am so happy because both of us got the top place. =) Nothing beats the twin sisters, as the whole campus would say.

Graduation day. I wanted a unique style for my hair. I asked my cousin to braid my hair in tiny double-braids (or was it french braid they call it?), Multiple lines starting from the front going to my nape area. I think they call it "Cornrows" in the African braids' term. I was very happy after almost an hour doing it, she managed to finish it with of course, painful fingers and hands! ^_^ She was very patient in this kind of stuff so I wasn't aloof to ask a favor from my older cousin. My favorite colors from the colorful sanrios I chose was used so I was really contented and satisfied. When me and my family reached the school grounds where the graduation will commence, everybody was staring at me. My classmates came and different comments came up in the air. Mostly were good. Until I wore my graduation gown and cap! I thought hey I looked bald in here with my graduation cap covering my hairstyle. Maybe that's why every girls out there was  just having their hair loose without pony tails. They just managed it with hair gels or hair sprays to keep it in place. Good grief, it's too late for me to loosen up the braids for the graduation ceremony was already starting.

Imagine-- this is how it closely looked like
 when I bowed down to receive my medal.

There was a lot of talks and blah, blah, blahs from the guest speaker, to the principal, to the city mayor who wishes to inspire us with their words and experiences. Then there came our turn to go up the stage and receive our medals. My twin came up first. Everything was normal claps from the sleepy crowd when suddenly it was my turn to receive my medal. Me and my proud dad went up the stage and when he was about to put the medal on me, I needed to remove my cap to give way for the medal to slip on my head. It seemed like everybody got waken up when they saw my hair style and I could vividly hear the crowd laugh and cheered for the oddness it brought. I could hear from some of my teachers were negative comments on why did I made my hair like this. They were a bunch of conservative people who really doesn't want a touch of peculiarity from the norms they were used to. On the other hand, the audience were now wide awake and laughing with amusement in their eyes, and I regarded it as positive reaction so as not to ruin my wonderful moment. And hey, I went up the stage twice for the "Athlete of the Year Award" for gaining 3rd place in Chess in the Provincial Athletic Meet. The crowd, once again, was full of anticipation as I was gonna remove my cap. It was like their most awaited moment, the removal of my cap and then you could hear a wave of chuckle coming from the left to right. After the awarding was the announcing of the graduates and there you have it, the graduation was finished! Oh, yeah don't forget about the graduation song for the closing remarks where almost all of my classmates and parents cried for joy. (Include my emotional dad to the teary-eyed list) It was then my turn to find their faces amusing...hahaha revenge!!!

The elementary years was finished and I was very excited to go to high school and then to college and then to work. For me, it was a very long wait to finish high school and college before I could go to work. The graduation symbolized a step to have a work. I don't know why but all I wanted to do is to finish everything quickly and find a work. A very weird thing for a young girl at my age. The mean girls was excited about the high school life and boy hunting. Me? I am thinking of having a work... ^_^ Every ending is a start of new beginning, well let's see what's going to happen.=)


**To be continued...
Guys, don't forget to browse my BLOG ARCHIVE FOR THE LIST OF STORIES that you missed...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Thank You for the "Palace"

I am having difficulty contemplating what to blog today.I'd like to reflect on the things that occurred to me and look for the lessons behind my past. However, I don't know what happened next. I have an amnesia in some memories since that bad moment became a part of my memory. It's a part of my defense mechanism for such stress in order to cope and keep myself sane. Oh well, as I have said in When Falling Down and Breaking Up Could Mean A Start, it's a start of something new... =) Very redundant neh? 

My father started the construction of the house after a week of preparation of plans and also the estimation of how much materials would be needed. My dad did it all for he was once a frustrated civil engineer himself. His great dream someday, I will be the one to fulfill the dream that he didn't reached. It was okay with me after all, I love to draw and design a house. I built a dream on my mind that time that someday, I would be a successful civil engineer. The unexpected expenses for the construction of the house made my father's savings for his future job application going back to Saudi was used. He wasn't able to apply also because he took the role of the engineer, foreman, steelfixer and carpenter all in one. He got so busy that he wasn't able to notice how time flies and how he needed to find a job to support our family. He only realized it when all of his savings were gone in a wink of an eye and ended up as a half-finished house six months after the house fell apart. Let me describe the brand new house: it has walls made up of hollow blocks, but it has no smooth finishing yet. We have cemented rooftop for he planned to make a second floor someday. To access the second floor, he made a permanent stairs going to the rooftop which we cover with a galvanized iron at night and when there is rainstorms and monsoons. The floor is not cemented yet that's why we are walking day or night on the soil which in time hardened up because it was being walked upon daily by the house's inhabitants. The windows, still we just cover it with curtains, no glass covering it to protect from the rain or coldness of wintertime (it's not that cold anyway in the Philippines). The doors? Nah...only the bathroom has a permanent door in it. The rest were covered by curtains. I was a little bit disappointed, the house is still not that safe for me. Still no privacy. I would still need to get dressed everyday of my life in the bathroom. I need to bring all my clothes and stuffs there just to have my little taste of privacy. And if I got unlucky, sometimes my stuffs will fall down on the bathroom's wet tiles and I would have to shout for my aunt's name or my mom to help me get another pair of clothes. And to top all that, the moment that I have been waiting for: RAIN. Yes, rain. I wanted to know if the cemented roof wasn't gonna leak just like our old roof before where we always need to put a pail under, or any receptacle to prevent the rainwater from wetting our old wooden floors. One afternoon, the moment of truth came, it rained! Of course I wasn't expecting the windows and doors to keep the raindrops out of our house since it was only covered by curtains. I ran around the house that time inspecting if our new roof was safe from the rainy season. I was so happy to see that everything was dry until after 30 mins. a drop of water leaked out from certain areas of the house. A couple in my room which drops just near my bed. (Oh great, I was thinking, of a way how to put a pail over there and while I am asleep I might kick it and make a huge wake-up splash!) There were some in the living room too. There's one in my parents' room and also in the kitchen. LOL.

To give you an idea of what kind of house I was talking about, it nearly looked like this, just remove the red metal beams for the glass windows here and alas! You have a bird's eye view of our "palace". =)

Anyway, I have lived everyday of my life for three years now with that kind of scenario, how much more now? At least I wont fear that our roof is going to fly  away with the strong typhoon winds while I lay down on my bed on a stormy night, or fall down again in our old wooden floor's crevices. Or fear that another person would suddenly open the door in the bathroom because the lock is so weak as well as the door itself. I wouldn't have to itch again with the termites' eggs everytime I accidentally stuck on the wooden walls. Or worry about leaning on the walls may cause me to break it and end up stumbled down on the other side of the wall. Those weird thoughts of me being paranoid at least lessened even a bit this time. At the end of the day, it is still a nice foundation of a house my dad made there and I am proud of him (event though my mom argued with him for not listening to her opinion that my dad's house plan is big, which he later on realized was right). Furthermore, he said that someday, I will be the on to continue finish our house coz' as of now, he's broke! hahaha =)

Life gives us situations where we thought there's nothing new to be thankful of but if we look closely, there are little things that are worthy of THANK YOU! My Aunt Nitz would always say, "Those are little things but it comes something". I think that was her secret for her contentment, simplicity and joy in life. Appreciate little things, little efforts, little deeds of kindness and you will realize how lucky you are with your life.

**To be continued...

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When Falling Down and Breaking Up Could Mean A Start

My dad went home this year from his work in Saudi. He finished his contract there and planned to stay a little longer in the Philippines. He did not try to apply as soon as he came home unlike before. I was happy that time because I felt safe in our house because there is finally a man in our house. Someone who can surely protect me with all his life and might. My dad who always says to me that I am his favorite (which is wrong I admit, it would cause sibling rivalry in the home) maybe because I was just the only princess in the family. =) But even though my dad's words are flamboyant and so flattering, my loyalty still belongs to my mom. I knew it was a part of my dad's personality as a womanizer (which my mother claimed that my dad lie-lowed when I was born). I don't know the truth but one time my mother said that one of my Godmother in my baptismal picture is my dad's EX-paramour. I got pissed off with the thought of that. That's why I really, really, really promised myself I would never ever get myself a boyfriend or better yet a husband! I'd rather grow an old maid alone with my life than to see myself crying because of an infidel man. Yet, my dad is still my dad. I really respect him for being a good father to me and I tried my best to be a good girl for him too so that I won't see him angry. I wouldn't want to see him again beat me and my older brother with his leather belt because of some mischievous things we did and later on I would see him cry in one corner because he doesn't really wanted to punish us that way. Aside from that, I am already on my puberty stage and it will be awkward for me to see myself still got beaten up by my parents for the wrong things I've done.

Things get more and more complicated that time. Maybe that is what happens when you're in Grade 6, you happen to break some rules and assert some degree of independence for yourself. There came a time that me and my Aunt Nitz (my mom's eldest sister who is an old maid) had a fight and I shouted at her trying to explain what I would like to do with my life and not to dictate what I would do for myself because I am old enough to be controlled with what she wants to happen with my daily life. I understand that she doesn't have anyone to take care of but she was being too much of a control freak to me. Here comes my mom hearing what's going on with me and my aunt for the first time. First offense: A SLAP IN THE FACE. But it did not stop me from arguing with my aunt. Maybe a few weeks just passed and the same scene and issues rose again so here it goes. Second offense: A SLAP ON THE FACE, BOTH SIDES. No cheek has escaped this time for my disrespect for her older sister. Still, it did not stop us both from fighting over my so-called independence, which she answers back as "Independence, independence? Independence in the wrong way!"  repeated a lot of times in our arguments. It was useless to argue with her. We're just beating around the bush and yet she doesn't grasp any of my point. The arguments just go round and round and yet she remained close to what she wanted to happen. So my third offense, my father caught us fighting so again, I GOT A SLAP ON THE FACE. Again!!! I thought I might be a stubborn one. If I were another kid, a first slap on the face means running away from their own home. So I went crying at the backyard digging the soil around the papaya tree. I poured my anger and ill feeling towards the soil which has no idea with what was going on with me. A few minutes later, my mom came to follow me at the backyard and told me to say sorry to my dad. He is in the room silently weeping with sorrow to what he did to me. As I have said, I am his favorite daughter and I would be the last person whom he'd do such thing. A slap in the face in the Filipino culture would be the ultimate punishment in an act of disobedience or disrespect which would also mean to say or followed by  "You stay out of my house..." tag line. I called my father gently and he opened his arms and meant me to come give him a hug. That time we spoke to each other, heart to heart. I told him my concerns and he told me his advice. We both said sorry to each other and tried to promise not to do it again.

A few weeks after, an owl went inside our old kitchen. Our house was quite weird. If only I was able to save some photographs of it but to my dismay, our house is always followed by rain, and buckets, and basins inside the house; wet floors and no windows and doors. There was no hope of saving an old picture or childhood memories because the place was always wet on the rainy season. The house was kinda elevated and you can see stuffs under through the small gaps of the wooden floor. Sometimes, me and my gay cousin would go under the house to look for money that accidentally fall down from the pockets of the customers from the restaurant. One  time I was the one who fell down through the crevice of the old wooden floor and got stuck there for quite sometime until my mom pulled me up from the hungry eating monster floor. One time, our old ceiling where the cats used to run and play fell down (actually, both of them fell down on the act of making love!!! LOL) because of its old age and the woods used already had termites that weaken the solidity of the house. I think we all just got used to it. Going back to the owl, on the table; it was lunch time when my mom called me and said that it is bad luck to have an owl go inside the house. I tried to rush from the store going inside the house because this could be my first time to see an owl but it flew away before I came. It was quite a little bit windy that day and the trees and plants around the house and backyard was swaying. Everything was looking peaceful and calm when the huge papaya fruit (it looked like a huge watermelon) of the unusually tall papaya tree located just outside the kitchen corner fell down. I was on my way going back to the store again when I've heard the crashing sound of the fruit falling down to our old rusty roof. I looked back and was expecting to see a fruit making a hole over the roof but I was wrong. I SAW THE ENTIRE KITCHEN FALLING DOWN just like a slow motioned video and when the whole roof, ceiling and it's braces reached our old wooden floor, it was the floor's turn to fall down into the ground under. I was so speechless that time. It took me a few minutes to process what had happened before I could shout "MAMAAAAA!!! PAPAAAAAAA!!!" My mom, who was in the store that time ran to me, into the living room where I was standing as she heard the loud crashing noise. I saw my dad this time, he was just outside, a few meters from kitchen which was an open laundry area because the water pump was there outside. He was washing our clothes that day and he was there smiling beside the washing machine, shaking his head and turned everything maybe in his mind as a funny little joke. Seeing him now, in this non-walled house, I felt a feeling of relief and started to laugh with my dad at that freakin' situation.

My dad went to gather the broken things so that he could make a way for the people to pass going to the bathroom. And there, he found the suspect: a huge papaya fruit which miraculously appeared to be unharmed by the impact it gave to our house. By the way, we feasted on it on our dinner time and it was really sweet. I pity the papaya tree because my father and cousin would have to cut it off so they could make a new plan for the whole area of the house. The unplanned house construction started and my mom and dad started to plan the design and the area that the new house will cover. The sight gave me a glimpse of hope. It gave me a feeling that safety and security is gonna come. As I watch them picking up the pieces and putting away the woods and the roof in a safer place, it felt like everything is gonna be alright now. It may be a closing remark for the memories of the old house but it is a new beginning for our new life. ^_^

Yeah, you could never start over again when the old piece is still there. Sometimes you need to break things up and set aside every feelings you have. May it be grief, anger, frustrations and other ill feelings we have. Sometimes we need to remove the very last shard of a broken glass before we can say that we are safe and ready to start a new life again. To move on and live your life happily. Everything in it is important. You will never know how to appreciate happiness when you've never been sad. You will never appreciate new things when you don't go through the old one. When some things in life seem to end, and the door of opportunity closes, don't worry. Somewhere out there, there would always be a place for you to start over again, or maybe, another portal or a door in disguise of a window is going to open for you! It may not be as easy as passing through a door but passing through a window is more exciting and challenging. We must have to learn how to appreciate and see things through a different perspective. =)


**To be continued...
If you haven't read yet the first part of my story, please see Me: Before it Happened. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed reading. Please feel free to comment below for the improvement of this blogsite. XOX

Conversion Disorder (Part 1: Visual)

Still a part of my Grade 6 life... =) Please check the Blog Archive to see the very first part of the story (Me: Before it Happened) or the lists of content of my story. Have a fun Friday night! (Ohhh, I love Fridays... ^_^)

One afternoon, our teacher had an activity for us to do. She divided the class into two groups, the left and right row. It is so weird that we only had two rows that time. The aisle was like a division of two worlds: the Mean Girls' World and the Alternative World. I belong to the alternative dudes in class who doesn't care about fashion, and what's popular, what's in today and what's out. I just decide for myself based on what's comfortable for me and what is not. It was really a nice competition I thought. The mechanics of the activity was to start from the very hind column of chairs at the back and our teacher is going to post something on the board and answer it as fast as you can. The first one to reach the front column of chairs will be the winner and will have the plus points for recitation. They started selecting the first five persons to join the game. I was selected as the first fight and my competitor was my gay peer. First question: our teacher showed a questionnaire written in manila paper. She opened it and to my surprise, I can't see anything on it! Nothing! My opponent answered the question correctly so he moved forward and our teacher showed the next questionnaire again. To my group's dismay, they were all staring at me, giving me with a puzzled looked because they all knew I really know this subject so well it is impossible for me not to answer even one of the questions showed to us by our teacher. My gay friend ended up infront and their next player was at the other side of me when suddenly I told our teacher what's going on with me. I can't believe it myself that me, who always loves to seat at the back, bragging out my perfect eyesight from Grade 3 to Grade 5, in just one click I lost it? What could have been the cause? What happened to me? Is it possible for someone to lose a perfect eyesight in a day? Our teacher let the next player after me to take over as I sat down to my chair confused and full of disbelief in what is going on with me. Everybody in my group was asking how did this happen? I just answered "I don't know either...I only knew about this just right NOW!" Their look was full of sympathy. My seatmate even tried to comfort me after he finished his turn answering the questions. I felt like having the heavens in the sky fell down on me here on earth. The shock was too powerful that I felt like floating, out of this world. I didn't even hear a thing that our teacher was telling me after they finished the competition. I was clueless on what's going on with me. I was just too thankful that time, my seatmate and my bestfriend were there to "catch" me that time because I am falling down to my eternal feeling of loss. It was the most important thing to lose when you are the kind of person who enjoys seeing, and appreciating the things that surrounds you.

That very afternoon, I told my mother about my deficient vision. My mo told me immediately, "Yan kasi kababasa ng pocketbook sinabi na ngang nakakalabo ng mata yun eh lalo na kapag madilim." (It's because you were reading a lot of pocketbooks. I told you that it can damage your vision especially reading it at dark.) Yeah, I admit. At bedtime, I would sneak a couple of romance novels from our store and get a flashlight and read it in our room which has no light at all. I don't know the reason why the two bedrooms in our house don't have a light, nor even had an effort to have a light switch around. At least it indicated that they intended to put a light out there but never managed to finished. Another thing I was pissed of aside from having no doors in our rooms just curtains. We just came there in that house and occupied it since we migrated there from my birth place which is Baguio City. Everything in this place was a real shock for me considering that I grew up in a city then suddenly moved to a province where the most of the stuffs I was used to was never a necessity. Going back to my complain, I old my mom that I need a corrective lenses and her response was a big NO. She said it would only worsen my vision. Okay I gave up that time. My mom was always the one who decides. She's the ultimate ruler of the house, she always has the last word.

MY PRESENT INTERPRETATION
Conversion Disorder is one of the defense mechanisms used by a person to overcome stress. It usually happens when someone tries to suppress an event, a memory, a stimuli that causes great deal of stress etc. It is also common in persons who has a history of childhood sexual abuse. As of now, as much as I would not want to look back to my past, I just realized that can it be possible that the sudden deficiency of my vision was caused by the stress I have been through before? Oh well, call me a hypochondriac, but I think I am oftentimes hahaha...LOL As much as I could I would like to delete that certain memory of mine but it turned out to be me having not to see the things around me so well so as to lessen the stress and pain that the world I live in would cause me. At some point I thought of this too, just close my eyes and escape the world. But in the end I am still here and still chooses to see the wonderful world we are living in even though the world had brought me struggles that I have to fight. I believe maybe in the end, this world that tortured me with different difficulties in life would be the very same world who would reward me with great rewards in the end. I just need to have FAITH.

**To be continued...

No, no this is not a diary of a wimpy, or wimpy girl... Or yeah okay... whatever... LOL