My dad went home this year from his work in Saudi. He finished his contract there and planned to stay a little longer in the Philippines. He did not try to apply as soon as he came home unlike before. I was happy that time because I felt safe in our house because there is finally a man in our house. Someone who can surely protect me with all his life and might. My dad who always says to me that I am his favorite (which is wrong I admit, it would cause sibling rivalry in the home) maybe because I was just the only princess in the family. =) But even though my dad's words are flamboyant and so flattering, my loyalty still belongs to my mom. I knew it was a part of my dad's personality as a womanizer (which my mother claimed that my dad lie-lowed when I was born). I don't know the truth but one time my mother said that one of my Godmother in my baptismal picture is my dad's EX-paramour. I got pissed off with the thought of that. That's why I really, really, really promised myself I would never ever get myself a boyfriend or better yet a husband! I'd rather grow an old maid alone with my life than to see myself crying because of an infidel man. Yet, my dad is still my dad. I really respect him for being a good father to me and I tried my best to be a good girl for him too so that I won't see him angry. I wouldn't want to see him again beat me and my older brother with his leather belt because of some mischievous things we did and later on I would see him cry in one corner because he doesn't really wanted to punish us that way. Aside from that, I am already on my puberty stage and it will be awkward for me to see myself still got beaten up by my parents for the wrong things I've done.
Things get more and more complicated that time. Maybe that is what happens when you're in Grade 6, you happen to break some rules and assert some degree of independence for yourself. There came a time that me and my Aunt Nitz (my mom's eldest sister who is an old maid) had a fight and I shouted at her trying to explain what I would like to do with my life and not to dictate what I would do for myself because I am old enough to be controlled with what she wants to happen with my daily life. I understand that she doesn't have anyone to take care of but she was being too much of a control freak to me. Here comes my mom hearing what's going on with me and my aunt for the first time. First offense: A SLAP IN THE FACE. But it did not stop me from arguing with my aunt. Maybe a few weeks just passed and the same scene and issues rose again so here it goes. Second offense: A SLAP ON THE FACE, BOTH SIDES. No cheek has escaped this time for my disrespect for her older sister. Still, it did not stop us both from fighting over my so-called independence, which she answers back as "Independence, independence? Independence in the wrong way!" repeated a lot of times in our arguments. It was useless to argue with her. We're just beating around the bush and yet she doesn't grasp any of my point. The arguments just go round and round and yet she remained close to what she wanted to happen. So my third offense, my father caught us fighting so again, I GOT A SLAP ON THE FACE. Again!!! I thought I might be a stubborn one. If I were another kid, a first slap on the face means running away from their own home. So I went crying at the backyard digging the soil around the papaya tree. I poured my anger and ill feeling towards the soil which has no idea with what was going on with me. A few minutes later, my mom came to follow me at the backyard and told me to say sorry to my dad. He is in the room silently weeping with sorrow to what he did to me. As I have said, I am his favorite daughter and I would be the last person whom he'd do such thing. A slap in the face in the Filipino culture would be the ultimate punishment in an act of disobedience or disrespect which would also mean to say or followed by "You stay out of my house..." tag line. I called my father gently and he opened his arms and meant me to come give him a hug. That time we spoke to each other, heart to heart. I told him my concerns and he told me his advice. We both said sorry to each other and tried to promise not to do it again.
A few weeks after, an owl went inside our old kitchen. Our house was quite weird. If only I was able to save some photographs of it but to my dismay, our house is always followed by rain, and buckets, and basins inside the house; wet floors and no windows and doors. There was no hope of saving an old picture or childhood memories because the place was always wet on the rainy season. The house was kinda elevated and you can see stuffs under through the small gaps of the wooden floor. Sometimes, me and my gay cousin would go under the house to look for money that accidentally fall down from the pockets of the customers from the restaurant. One time I was the one who fell down through the crevice of the old wooden floor and got stuck there for quite sometime until my mom pulled me up from the hungry eating monster floor. One time, our old ceiling where the cats used to run and play fell down (actually, both of them fell down on the act of making love!!! LOL) because of its old age and the woods used already had termites that weaken the solidity of the house. I think we all just got used to it. Going back to the owl, on the table; it was lunch time when my mom called me and said that it is bad luck to have an owl go inside the house. I tried to rush from the store going inside the house because this could be my first time to see an owl but it flew away before I came. It was quite a little bit windy that day and the trees and plants around the house and backyard was swaying. Everything was looking peaceful and calm when the huge papaya fruit (it looked like a huge watermelon) of the unusually tall papaya tree located just outside the kitchen corner fell down. I was on my way going back to the store again when I've heard the crashing sound of the fruit falling down to our old rusty roof. I looked back and was expecting to see a fruit making a hole over the roof but I was wrong. I SAW THE ENTIRE KITCHEN FALLING DOWN just like a slow motioned video and when the whole roof, ceiling and it's braces reached our old wooden floor, it was the floor's turn to fall down into the ground under. I was so speechless that time. It took me a few minutes to process what had happened before I could shout "MAMAAAAA!!! PAPAAAAAAA!!!" My mom, who was in the store that time ran to me, into the living room where I was standing as she heard the loud crashing noise. I saw my dad this time, he was just outside, a few meters from kitchen which was an open laundry area because the water pump was there outside. He was washing our clothes that day and he was there smiling beside the washing machine, shaking his head and turned everything maybe in his mind as a funny little joke. Seeing him now, in this non-walled house, I felt a feeling of relief and started to laugh with my dad at that freakin' situation.
My dad went to gather the broken things so that he could make a way for the people to pass going to the bathroom. And there, he found the suspect: a huge papaya fruit which miraculously appeared to be unharmed by the impact it gave to our house. By the way, we feasted on it on our dinner time and it was really sweet. I pity the papaya tree because my father and cousin would have to cut it off so they could make a new plan for the whole area of the house. The unplanned house construction started and my mom and dad started to plan the design and the area that the new house will cover. The sight gave me a glimpse of hope. It gave me a feeling that safety and security is gonna come. As I watch them picking up the pieces and putting away the woods and the roof in a safer place, it felt like everything is gonna be alright now. It may be a closing remark for the memories of the old house but it is a new beginning for our new life. ^_^
Yeah, you could never start over again when the old piece is still there. Sometimes you need to break things up and set aside every feelings you have. May it be grief, anger, frustrations and other ill feelings we have. Sometimes we need to remove the very last shard of a broken glass before we can say that we are safe and ready to start a new life again. To move on and live your life happily. Everything in it is important. You will never know how to appreciate happiness when you've never been sad. You will never appreciate new things when you don't go through the old one. When some things in life seem to end, and the door of opportunity closes, don't worry. Somewhere out there, there would always be a place for you to start over again, or maybe, another portal or a door in disguise of a window is going to open for you! It may not be as easy as passing through a door but passing through a window is more exciting and challenging. We must have to learn how to appreciate and see things through a different perspective. =)
**To be continued...
If you haven't read yet the first part of my story, please see Me: Before it Happened. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed reading. Please feel free to comment below for the improvement of this blogsite. XOX
Things get more and more complicated that time. Maybe that is what happens when you're in Grade 6, you happen to break some rules and assert some degree of independence for yourself. There came a time that me and my Aunt Nitz (my mom's eldest sister who is an old maid) had a fight and I shouted at her trying to explain what I would like to do with my life and not to dictate what I would do for myself because I am old enough to be controlled with what she wants to happen with my daily life. I understand that she doesn't have anyone to take care of but she was being too much of a control freak to me. Here comes my mom hearing what's going on with me and my aunt for the first time. First offense: A SLAP IN THE FACE. But it did not stop me from arguing with my aunt. Maybe a few weeks just passed and the same scene and issues rose again so here it goes. Second offense: A SLAP ON THE FACE, BOTH SIDES. No cheek has escaped this time for my disrespect for her older sister. Still, it did not stop us both from fighting over my so-called independence, which she answers back as "Independence, independence? Independence in the wrong way!" repeated a lot of times in our arguments. It was useless to argue with her. We're just beating around the bush and yet she doesn't grasp any of my point. The arguments just go round and round and yet she remained close to what she wanted to happen. So my third offense, my father caught us fighting so again, I GOT A SLAP ON THE FACE. Again!!! I thought I might be a stubborn one. If I were another kid, a first slap on the face means running away from their own home. So I went crying at the backyard digging the soil around the papaya tree. I poured my anger and ill feeling towards the soil which has no idea with what was going on with me. A few minutes later, my mom came to follow me at the backyard and told me to say sorry to my dad. He is in the room silently weeping with sorrow to what he did to me. As I have said, I am his favorite daughter and I would be the last person whom he'd do such thing. A slap in the face in the Filipino culture would be the ultimate punishment in an act of disobedience or disrespect which would also mean to say or followed by "You stay out of my house..." tag line. I called my father gently and he opened his arms and meant me to come give him a hug. That time we spoke to each other, heart to heart. I told him my concerns and he told me his advice. We both said sorry to each other and tried to promise not to do it again.
A few weeks after, an owl went inside our old kitchen. Our house was quite weird. If only I was able to save some photographs of it but to my dismay, our house is always followed by rain, and buckets, and basins inside the house; wet floors and no windows and doors. There was no hope of saving an old picture or childhood memories because the place was always wet on the rainy season. The house was kinda elevated and you can see stuffs under through the small gaps of the wooden floor. Sometimes, me and my gay cousin would go under the house to look for money that accidentally fall down from the pockets of the customers from the restaurant. One time I was the one who fell down through the crevice of the old wooden floor and got stuck there for quite sometime until my mom pulled me up from the hungry eating monster floor. One time, our old ceiling where the cats used to run and play fell down (actually, both of them fell down on the act of making love!!! LOL) because of its old age and the woods used already had termites that weaken the solidity of the house. I think we all just got used to it. Going back to the owl, on the table; it was lunch time when my mom called me and said that it is bad luck to have an owl go inside the house. I tried to rush from the store going inside the house because this could be my first time to see an owl but it flew away before I came. It was quite a little bit windy that day and the trees and plants around the house and backyard was swaying. Everything was looking peaceful and calm when the huge papaya fruit (it looked like a huge watermelon) of the unusually tall papaya tree located just outside the kitchen corner fell down. I was on my way going back to the store again when I've heard the crashing sound of the fruit falling down to our old rusty roof. I looked back and was expecting to see a fruit making a hole over the roof but I was wrong. I SAW THE ENTIRE KITCHEN FALLING DOWN just like a slow motioned video and when the whole roof, ceiling and it's braces reached our old wooden floor, it was the floor's turn to fall down into the ground under. I was so speechless that time. It took me a few minutes to process what had happened before I could shout "MAMAAAAA!!! PAPAAAAAAA!!!" My mom, who was in the store that time ran to me, into the living room where I was standing as she heard the loud crashing noise. I saw my dad this time, he was just outside, a few meters from kitchen which was an open laundry area because the water pump was there outside. He was washing our clothes that day and he was there smiling beside the washing machine, shaking his head and turned everything maybe in his mind as a funny little joke. Seeing him now, in this non-walled house, I felt a feeling of relief and started to laugh with my dad at that freakin' situation.
My dad went to gather the broken things so that he could make a way for the people to pass going to the bathroom. And there, he found the suspect: a huge papaya fruit which miraculously appeared to be unharmed by the impact it gave to our house. By the way, we feasted on it on our dinner time and it was really sweet. I pity the papaya tree because my father and cousin would have to cut it off so they could make a new plan for the whole area of the house. The unplanned house construction started and my mom and dad started to plan the design and the area that the new house will cover. The sight gave me a glimpse of hope. It gave me a feeling that safety and security is gonna come. As I watch them picking up the pieces and putting away the woods and the roof in a safer place, it felt like everything is gonna be alright now. It may be a closing remark for the memories of the old house but it is a new beginning for our new life. ^_^
Yeah, you could never start over again when the old piece is still there. Sometimes you need to break things up and set aside every feelings you have. May it be grief, anger, frustrations and other ill feelings we have. Sometimes we need to remove the very last shard of a broken glass before we can say that we are safe and ready to start a new life again. To move on and live your life happily. Everything in it is important. You will never know how to appreciate happiness when you've never been sad. You will never appreciate new things when you don't go through the old one. When some things in life seem to end, and the door of opportunity closes, don't worry. Somewhere out there, there would always be a place for you to start over again, or maybe, another portal or a door in disguise of a window is going to open for you! It may not be as easy as passing through a door but passing through a window is more exciting and challenging. We must have to learn how to appreciate and see things through a different perspective. =)
**To be continued...
If you haven't read yet the first part of my story, please see Me: Before it Happened. Thank you! Hope you enjoyed reading. Please feel free to comment below for the improvement of this blogsite. XOX
i so like it ate. hehe. kahit pa-extra-extra lang ako. :))
ReplyDeletehaha what do you want dear, main character or out of the story? hahaha
Delete