Still a part of my Grade 6 life... =) Please check the Blog Archive to see the very first part of the story (Me: Before it Happened) or the lists of content of my story. Have a fun Friday night! (Ohhh, I love Fridays... ^_^)
One afternoon, our teacher had an activity for us to do. She divided the class into two groups, the left and right row. It is so weird that we only had two rows that time. The aisle was like a division of two worlds: the Mean Girls' World and the Alternative World. I belong to the alternative dudes in class who doesn't care about fashion, and what's popular, what's in today and what's out. I just decide for myself based on what's comfortable for me and what is not. It was really a nice competition I thought. The mechanics of the activity was to start from the very hind column of chairs at the back and our teacher is going to post something on the board and answer it as fast as you can. The first one to reach the front column of chairs will be the winner and will have the plus points for recitation. They started selecting the first five persons to join the game. I was selected as the first fight and my competitor was my gay peer. First question: our teacher showed a questionnaire written in manila paper. She opened it and to my surprise, I can't see anything on it! Nothing! My opponent answered the question correctly so he moved forward and our teacher showed the next questionnaire again. To my group's dismay, they were all staring at me, giving me with a puzzled looked because they all knew I really know this subject so well it is impossible for me not to answer even one of the questions showed to us by our teacher. My gay friend ended up infront and their next player was at the other side of me when suddenly I told our teacher what's going on with me. I can't believe it myself that me, who always loves to seat at the back, bragging out my perfect eyesight from Grade 3 to Grade 5, in just one click I lost it? What could have been the cause? What happened to me? Is it possible for someone to lose a perfect eyesight in a day? Our teacher let the next player after me to take over as I sat down to my chair confused and full of disbelief in what is going on with me. Everybody in my group was asking how did this happen? I just answered "I don't know either...I only knew about this just right NOW!" Their look was full of sympathy. My seatmate even tried to comfort me after he finished his turn answering the questions. I felt like having the heavens in the sky fell down on me here on earth. The shock was too powerful that I felt like floating, out of this world. I didn't even hear a thing that our teacher was telling me after they finished the competition. I was clueless on what's going on with me. I was just too thankful that time, my seatmate and my bestfriend were there to "catch" me that time because I am falling down to my eternal feeling of loss. It was the most important thing to lose when you are the kind of person who enjoys seeing, and appreciating the things that surrounds you.
That very afternoon, I told my mother about my deficient vision. My mo told me immediately, "Yan kasi kababasa ng pocketbook sinabi na ngang nakakalabo ng mata yun eh lalo na kapag madilim." (It's because you were reading a lot of pocketbooks. I told you that it can damage your vision especially reading it at dark.) Yeah, I admit. At bedtime, I would sneak a couple of romance novels from our store and get a flashlight and read it in our room which has no light at all. I don't know the reason why the two bedrooms in our house don't have a light, nor even had an effort to have a light switch around. At least it indicated that they intended to put a light out there but never managed to finished. Another thing I was pissed of aside from having no doors in our rooms just curtains. We just came there in that house and occupied it since we migrated there from my birth place which is Baguio City. Everything in this place was a real shock for me considering that I grew up in a city then suddenly moved to a province where the most of the stuffs I was used to was never a necessity. Going back to my complain, I old my mom that I need a corrective lenses and her response was a big NO. She said it would only worsen my vision. Okay I gave up that time. My mom was always the one who decides. She's the ultimate ruler of the house, she always has the last word.
One afternoon, our teacher had an activity for us to do. She divided the class into two groups, the left and right row. It is so weird that we only had two rows that time. The aisle was like a division of two worlds: the Mean Girls' World and the Alternative World. I belong to the alternative dudes in class who doesn't care about fashion, and what's popular, what's in today and what's out. I just decide for myself based on what's comfortable for me and what is not. It was really a nice competition I thought. The mechanics of the activity was to start from the very hind column of chairs at the back and our teacher is going to post something on the board and answer it as fast as you can. The first one to reach the front column of chairs will be the winner and will have the plus points for recitation. They started selecting the first five persons to join the game. I was selected as the first fight and my competitor was my gay peer. First question: our teacher showed a questionnaire written in manila paper. She opened it and to my surprise, I can't see anything on it! Nothing! My opponent answered the question correctly so he moved forward and our teacher showed the next questionnaire again. To my group's dismay, they were all staring at me, giving me with a puzzled looked because they all knew I really know this subject so well it is impossible for me not to answer even one of the questions showed to us by our teacher. My gay friend ended up infront and their next player was at the other side of me when suddenly I told our teacher what's going on with me. I can't believe it myself that me, who always loves to seat at the back, bragging out my perfect eyesight from Grade 3 to Grade 5, in just one click I lost it? What could have been the cause? What happened to me? Is it possible for someone to lose a perfect eyesight in a day? Our teacher let the next player after me to take over as I sat down to my chair confused and full of disbelief in what is going on with me. Everybody in my group was asking how did this happen? I just answered "I don't know either...I only knew about this just right NOW!" Their look was full of sympathy. My seatmate even tried to comfort me after he finished his turn answering the questions. I felt like having the heavens in the sky fell down on me here on earth. The shock was too powerful that I felt like floating, out of this world. I didn't even hear a thing that our teacher was telling me after they finished the competition. I was clueless on what's going on with me. I was just too thankful that time, my seatmate and my bestfriend were there to "catch" me that time because I am falling down to my eternal feeling of loss. It was the most important thing to lose when you are the kind of person who enjoys seeing, and appreciating the things that surrounds you.
That very afternoon, I told my mother about my deficient vision. My mo told me immediately, "Yan kasi kababasa ng pocketbook sinabi na ngang nakakalabo ng mata yun eh lalo na kapag madilim." (It's because you were reading a lot of pocketbooks. I told you that it can damage your vision especially reading it at dark.) Yeah, I admit. At bedtime, I would sneak a couple of romance novels from our store and get a flashlight and read it in our room which has no light at all. I don't know the reason why the two bedrooms in our house don't have a light, nor even had an effort to have a light switch around. At least it indicated that they intended to put a light out there but never managed to finished. Another thing I was pissed of aside from having no doors in our rooms just curtains. We just came there in that house and occupied it since we migrated there from my birth place which is Baguio City. Everything in this place was a real shock for me considering that I grew up in a city then suddenly moved to a province where the most of the stuffs I was used to was never a necessity. Going back to my complain, I old my mom that I need a corrective lenses and her response was a big NO. She said it would only worsen my vision. Okay I gave up that time. My mom was always the one who decides. She's the ultimate ruler of the house, she always has the last word.
MY PRESENT INTERPRETATION
Conversion Disorder is one of the defense mechanisms used by a person to overcome stress. It usually happens when someone tries to suppress an event, a memory, a stimuli that causes great deal of stress etc. It is also common in persons who has a history of childhood sexual abuse. As of now, as much as I would not want to look back to my past, I just realized that can it be possible that the sudden deficiency of my vision was caused by the stress I have been through before? Oh well, call me a hypochondriac, but I think I am oftentimes hahaha...LOL As much as I could I would like to delete that certain memory of mine but it turned out to be me having not to see the things around me so well so as to lessen the stress and pain that the world I live in would cause me. At some point I thought of this too, just close my eyes and escape the world. But in the end I am still here and still chooses to see the wonderful world we are living in even though the world had brought me struggles that I have to fight. I believe maybe in the end, this world that tortured me with different difficulties in life would be the very same world who would reward me with great rewards in the end. I just need to have FAITH.
Conversion Disorder is one of the defense mechanisms used by a person to overcome stress. It usually happens when someone tries to suppress an event, a memory, a stimuli that causes great deal of stress etc. It is also common in persons who has a history of childhood sexual abuse. As of now, as much as I would not want to look back to my past, I just realized that can it be possible that the sudden deficiency of my vision was caused by the stress I have been through before? Oh well, call me a hypochondriac, but I think I am oftentimes hahaha...LOL As much as I could I would like to delete that certain memory of mine but it turned out to be me having not to see the things around me so well so as to lessen the stress and pain that the world I live in would cause me. At some point I thought of this too, just close my eyes and escape the world. But in the end I am still here and still chooses to see the wonderful world we are living in even though the world had brought me struggles that I have to fight. I believe maybe in the end, this world that tortured me with different difficulties in life would be the very same world who would reward me with great rewards in the end. I just need to have FAITH.
**To be continued...
No, no this is not a diary of a wimpy, or wimpy girl... Or yeah okay... whatever... LOL
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